I never did write about TKD Summer Camp after I got back, but that's nothing new coming from me. It's too late to write about it now and still do it any justice so if you want to read about it in detail go check out the Dartmouth TKD blog and the Blue Wave Forums (Pictures). I did have a great time and couldn't believe how much was accomplished in a mere weekend - it really felt like it lasted much longer. When I'm feeling nostalgic and missing Blue Wave I might write about it some more.
Speaking of nostalgic, I bet I'll be feeling a lot of that in the coming month. As of today there is ten days left before I'm off to Budapest. I haven't had much time to be nervous, which in itself makes me a bit nervous. Go figure. That leaves me with 2 more days in Hanover, then a little over a week at home in NY.
I'll try to be better about updating this thing while I'm away, considering I won't be making lots of expensive phonecalls to the US. Plus the time difference will complicate things some more.
Ahh... I'm excited. I think.
I'm also overtired. Maybe I should do some packing, since I'm not about to go to sleep and working on my math final just won't go over too well with my brain right now.
A more sensical and possibly entertaining update to come once I'm done with finals, and my brain is decluttered.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Monday, August 15, 2005
Sunday, August 14, 2005
When I was a boy...
Reading this article made me realize why it was that I stuck it out in math and science - because I was a boy in middle school.
Not literally, but socially and physically I did not begin to gain feminine qualities until the 8th grade or so, maybe even later. I wore baggy clothes, I hadn't hit puberty, I played sports, and I hung around with my brother and his friends. Until the 8th grade I refuuuuused to shop in the girls section. I despised all things feminine and prided myself on the fact that my brother's friends all used to tell me how much like a boy I was.
Now you might ask, what the hell does that have to do with math and science? Well, just think about it - my female middle school counterparts entered the phase of lip gloss, skin tight jeans, boyband obsessions, and crushes. Suddenly, they cared about their image - they wanted boys to like them. Did I want boys to like me? Sure, but I wanted them to respect me in a different sense - as an equal. I hated girly girls - I thought they were boring and stupid. I prided myself on being able to do more push-ups than my brother, on my basketball skills, my bruises from climbing trees, and all other unfeminine things.
In fact, until I met a boy at sleepaway camp the summer before 8th grade, my parents were afraid that I didn't like boys at all - that I'd grow up to be a lesbian. (Now, I don't know how they would get that idea - I despised girls!)
By the time I hit puberty I was at a math and science high school surrounded by a very non-judgemental atmosphere. Everyone there was a nerd in one sense or another, everyone was smart - I didn't have to try to fit in.
I remember this one girl in middle school who was every bit as smart as I was (her final average was only 4 tenths of a point below mine, something she would never let me live down). She had an obsession with Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys and spent lunchtime chit chatting with her girlfriends about boybands and lip gloss. She was real smart, but she never spoke up in class. The teachers only knew her from her great exam scores and stellar papers. And that is what made the difference.
I really believe that my late-blooming saved me. If I had thought of myself as a female in middle school, I would have taken cues from everyone around me as to what was feminine and what wasn't. Speaking up in class was not feminine, answering and asking questions was not feminine. Doing well in math and science sure as hell wasn't feminine. The expectations were there, I just ignored them because I didn't associate myself with girls. So maybe I was a little bit of a "show-off" in middle school. Not too much, but enough for me to gain the confidence I needed to believe in myself. People told me I was smart and I started to believe them. (And don't tell me that people don't have to be told they're smart to know that they are - it's just not true. People form an image of themselves first and foremost through the reflection of themselves in the eyes of others).
And that's the story.
Not literally, but socially and physically I did not begin to gain feminine qualities until the 8th grade or so, maybe even later. I wore baggy clothes, I hadn't hit puberty, I played sports, and I hung around with my brother and his friends. Until the 8th grade I refuuuuused to shop in the girls section. I despised all things feminine and prided myself on the fact that my brother's friends all used to tell me how much like a boy I was.
Now you might ask, what the hell does that have to do with math and science? Well, just think about it - my female middle school counterparts entered the phase of lip gloss, skin tight jeans, boyband obsessions, and crushes. Suddenly, they cared about their image - they wanted boys to like them. Did I want boys to like me? Sure, but I wanted them to respect me in a different sense - as an equal. I hated girly girls - I thought they were boring and stupid. I prided myself on being able to do more push-ups than my brother, on my basketball skills, my bruises from climbing trees, and all other unfeminine things.
In fact, until I met a boy at sleepaway camp the summer before 8th grade, my parents were afraid that I didn't like boys at all - that I'd grow up to be a lesbian. (Now, I don't know how they would get that idea - I despised girls!)
By the time I hit puberty I was at a math and science high school surrounded by a very non-judgemental atmosphere. Everyone there was a nerd in one sense or another, everyone was smart - I didn't have to try to fit in.
I remember this one girl in middle school who was every bit as smart as I was (her final average was only 4 tenths of a point below mine, something she would never let me live down). She had an obsession with Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys and spent lunchtime chit chatting with her girlfriends about boybands and lip gloss. She was real smart, but she never spoke up in class. The teachers only knew her from her great exam scores and stellar papers. And that is what made the difference.
I really believe that my late-blooming saved me. If I had thought of myself as a female in middle school, I would have taken cues from everyone around me as to what was feminine and what wasn't. Speaking up in class was not feminine, answering and asking questions was not feminine. Doing well in math and science sure as hell wasn't feminine. The expectations were there, I just ignored them because I didn't associate myself with girls. So maybe I was a little bit of a "show-off" in middle school. Not too much, but enough for me to gain the confidence I needed to believe in myself. People told me I was smart and I started to believe them. (And don't tell me that people don't have to be told they're smart to know that they are - it's just not true. People form an image of themselves first and foremost through the reflection of themselves in the eyes of others).
And that's the story.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Getting Focused
I'll be going away tomorrow for a fun filled weekend of TKD seminars and black belt testing (not mine unfortunately), so there won't be any posting in the next couple of days. The good news is that when I get back I'll have plenty of pictures and stories to post, so no more lack of blogging material to keep me up while I'm procrastinating.
Speaking of which, I was thinking about list making as a habit and if its really worth it or not. I'm not a habitual list maker, but I do tend to jot down "SHIT to do" lists once in a while when I have a busy day/week/month coming up (and I actually label it that way too). Some other people on the other hand make intricate lists of goals for the year - ranging from reading lists, to exercise goals, career attainment, and hobby related checkpoints (Check out this blog I like to read - this guy's on top of his shit!). I wonder if it really has a psychological effect of helping people to get organized and focused. Or will it be just another thing to feel guilty about? Maybe I'll try it and see how it goes.
So here's an attempt at setting goals and getting focused - my first list.
I'm thinking I'll start on a daily basis, with just a small thing at a time and keep track of my progress here. But what do I start with? What's important to me right now? Well, there's my back - I need to do daily exercises to keep my scoliosis at bay. Then there's math - I have some catching up to do on the problem sets. Then of course there's a ton of reading I need to get done, too. I need something conrete, but personal and interesting.
Learning Hungarian, how about that. I need to keep up on my Hungarian - I have about a month left to reach some basic level of competency so that I'm able to get around in Budapest once I get there. I'll have to quantify this somehow so more details to come...
Speaking of which, I was thinking about list making as a habit and if its really worth it or not. I'm not a habitual list maker, but I do tend to jot down "SHIT to do" lists once in a while when I have a busy day/week/month coming up (and I actually label it that way too). Some other people on the other hand make intricate lists of goals for the year - ranging from reading lists, to exercise goals, career attainment, and hobby related checkpoints (Check out this blog I like to read - this guy's on top of his shit!). I wonder if it really has a psychological effect of helping people to get organized and focused. Or will it be just another thing to feel guilty about? Maybe I'll try it and see how it goes.
So here's an attempt at setting goals and getting focused - my first list.
I'm thinking I'll start on a daily basis, with just a small thing at a time and keep track of my progress here. But what do I start with? What's important to me right now? Well, there's my back - I need to do daily exercises to keep my scoliosis at bay. Then there's math - I have some catching up to do on the problem sets. Then of course there's a ton of reading I need to get done, too. I need something conrete, but personal and interesting.
Learning Hungarian, how about that. I need to keep up on my Hungarian - I have about a month left to reach some basic level of competency so that I'm able to get around in Budapest once I get there. I'll have to quantify this somehow so more details to come...
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
My Retirement Plan
As I was riding my bike to class this morning I decided my life's ultimate goal. Well, it really wasn't quite that dramatic. I just decided that when I'm somewhere around 60 or 65, I'm going to retreat from my up-until-then possibly hectic/stressful job or whatever it is that I'm doing at 60, buy a motorcycle if I don't already own one, and try to get a job as a professor or teacher at some nice college/school in the country (like Dartmouth). I'd teach math by day, drive around on my motorcycle like a madwoman when I felt like it, and go camping, hiking, yoga-ing, and swimming in the river to my heart's content.
Now don't tell me I won't be interested in math, nature, and motorcycles when I'm 60, that's irrelevant. It's the vision that counts - do you see the vision?
Speaking of which, this morning's yoga class was phenomenal. I mean, headstands in the sun after a light swim in the pool phenomenal. *Ommmmmmmm*
Now don't tell me I won't be interested in math, nature, and motorcycles when I'm 60, that's irrelevant. It's the vision that counts - do you see the vision?
Speaking of which, this morning's yoga class was phenomenal. I mean, headstands in the sun after a light swim in the pool phenomenal. *Ommmmmmmm*
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